Nuances: Our Asian Stories

Summary

This week’s episode is as inspiring as it is educational. Tonie shares how they have navigated uncomfortable conversations around gender identity, race, and mental health as a nonbinary Vietnamese American in the music industry. We’ll also hear Tonie’s latest track “If I Took A Pill’.

Guest bio

TONIE is doing their very best to make you cry, in all the best ways. The LA-native writes and produces each synth-pop track from the comfort of their skylit home studio in Brooklyn, NY — a perfect backdrop for the emotional vulnerability that colors their lyrics. Proudly Vietnamese American, nonbinary, and themselves!

Definitions of terms used in this episode

Diaspora – the dispersion of any people from their original homeland. If you are an Asian person living in Australia, then you would be part of the Asian Australian diaspora. 

BIPOC – stands for black indigenous and people of color. 

Heteronormativity –  a worldview that promotes heterosexuality as the norm. It’s based on this attitude, that heterosexuality is the normal expression of sexuality. Adj: heteronormative

Masc-presenting – short for masculine-presenting. A way to describe someone who expresses their gender in a more masculine way. If someone’s feminine-presenting, then they would express their gender in a more feminine way.

Nonbinary – someone who does not identify as/feel like they are either male or female. Because of this, they feel more comfortable using they/them pronouns than he/his or she/her.

This episode’s takeaways

• You can call people in instead of calling them out. You have to have allies to have power. Tonie talked about how important it is for us to do the emotional labor of educating the people we work with on a day-to-day basis, and to do it with grace and empathy.
• Instead of coming out, Tonie prefers to bring them in. Trying to change your family or your parents is more stress than it’s worth. Acceptance brings more peace than trying to change them. You can’t change your parents, but you can change how you respond to them. And you can set healthy boundaries to maintain a good relationship with them. 
• Success is feeling at peace. For some of us, it’s not worrying about the next paycheck, for others it’s having control and flexibility. Pursuing a creative career may seem like a spontaneous choice, but actually many of us put a lot of thought and planning into it before making a transition, and there are lucrative avenues out there. 
• When there is no script, there’s an opportunity to define your own culture and make it better. The queer/nonbinary community has done a great job fostering a culture of consent that is only beginning to emerge in some heteronormative settings. 
• Just because we can survive emotional pain does not mean we should endure it. Seeking help with mental health is not a sign of weakness. It requires a lot of strength to take the steps necessary to regulate our emotions, but the benefits far outweigh the initial discomfort. You gotta dig deeper than Pho! We’ll include some links in the show notes to the dishes Tonie mentioned. 
• Tonie has found new ways to celebrate their unique cultural blend as an Asian American, embracing the fact that their experiences and connection with Vietnamese culture will be different from that of their parents, but realizing that that does not make it any less valid. 

Show notes

• Tonie can be reached on Instagram & TikTok and their website Itstonie.com
• Stream their latest single “If I Took A Pill”.
• Stream The Nuances Podcast AAPI indie music playlist: Apple | Spotify

Learn more about being nonbinary with Alokvmenon

Recipes for the dishes mentioned:

• Bún bò Huế (Spicy beef soup)
• Bún Riêu (Vermicelli soup)
• Bánh Cuốn (Vietnamese rice rolls)

If you’d like to be featured or nominate a guest, please follow and DM us at @nuancespod. We will be releasing episodes every Sunday during AAPI Heritage Month (May) and Pride Month (June).

Hosts: Ariadne Mila & Sherry-Lynn Lee